The Jellyfish Episode
by Acoustic Seasons
Summary: No beach. Just jellyfish. Don't ask. Does this really need more of a summary? I can't believe nobody's written this yet! No pairings, Rated K, One-shot. Love ya! R&R, please! Not Barkin/Shego


**A/N: Holy, crap, this was fun to write! I honestly can't believe no one has done this yet! I mean, seriously! This was like, the BEST inspiration I've ever had! …seriously! XD**

"Alright, class, you got what you wanted, are you happy?" The blonde man scowled as legions of grinning students streamed out of the doors of the Middleton High School and onto the large football field. He sighed, knowing that at least several students would most likely complain that the class had not been taken to the beach, as the members of the student council had originally petitioned for. But, unfortunately, the beach had been overrun with a dangerous number of Portuguese Man O'War jellyfish that morning, and both the Lowerton and Upperton beaches were too crowded to bother showing up at. So they had been forced to settle for their football field, which was conveniently less expensive. In the mind of the blonde man supervising them, the only reason students should have for being on a football field was to play football. These days, however, football fields were used mainly for doing things such as eating lunch (and leaving trash) and making out.

"Hey, Barkin! I thought you said we were going to the beach!" The shout of a student in the middle of the crowd reached his ears and he scowled at the lack of proper title. '_Punk probably thinks he's safe just because I can't see him_,' he thought, '_but I'll show him. I'll show them all one day!_'

His thoughts were interrupted by the shout of another teacher from somewhere in the middle of the crowd. "Steven! Help! One of the students has brought a-" the cry was cut off by an awful scream that managed to silence the entire schoolyard. The scream was followed by a weak cry of "Uncle!" and more screeching. The students, easily bored, promptly resumed making noise.

Two students were standing on the edge of the field, looking on nervously; a redheaded freshman girl whose name was Kimberly and her friend, a blonde boy whose name was Ronald. He scowled again, this time at the boy. The boy turned toward him and met his eyes. Then the unthinkable happened: the punk smiled at him dumbly, and as he did, his eyes crossed! Steven Barkin had never, in all his seventeen years of teaching, been made fun of in this way by a student! The blonde turned back to his friend Kimberly, who was whispering anxiously in his ear. He liked Kimberly. She reminded him of himself when he was younger; young, attractive, and a modern hero. But now was not the time to reminisce on the good times of his youth; the cries of the teacher were getting louder, and a ring of students had begun to accumulate around him. That usually meant a fight was going on, and if somebody got hurt, he would be the one in trouble when somebody's parents found out. He noticed Kimberly running to the crowd, dragging Ronald behind her. He followed suit, pushing people aside as he got closer to the epicenter of the throng. When he reached the middle of the circle, he was mortified by the scene in front of him. The teacher, Mr. Cornwell, was curled up in fetal position, sucking his thumb and crying like a baby. '_Well, there goes another one,_' he mused in regards to the sniveling man in front of him, '_almost makes you think they do it on purpose. More money for me, I suppose._'

Kimberly, who had reached the man before he had (Ronald had been lost in the crowd), was staring at him.

"Mr. Barkin, aren't you going to help?"

Oh, right. He had forgotten about the teacher. Looking around, he noticed a student holding a glass tank and wearing rubber gloves. On the ground, there were unidentified blobs of what looked like some form of jelly scattered around.

"Hey, what are-" Before he had the chance to finish his question, he was hit in the face with something slimy and malleable. Two things registered in his mind; first and foremost, some punk had the nerve to throw things at him, and second, whatever it was, it stung like crazy. Now, Steven Barkin was not a stupid man. He was able to put two and two together and realized that the unidentifiable blobs were most likely jellyfish. Which only succeeded in making him madder. "Who threw that-" again, he was cut off, only this time, the thrown jellyfish landed in a far more painful location than his forehead; his mouth. His eyes went wide at the same time as the young redhead Kimberly's. It stung. It REALLY stung. He could feel his eyes begin to water, and the jellyfish suddenly felt like it was bursting into flames inside his mouth. Of course, he had swallowed flames when he was in his prime, but this was drastically different. "MOMMY!" He couldn't keep the wail from escaping his diaphragm, and the students around him began to laugh. "Get it off, get it off! Somebody, please help! It hurts!" he wailed. The tears were streaming down his face now.

"Mr. Barkin! Hold on!" Kimberly shouted. She went over to the student holding the tank of jellies and peeled the gloves from his hands. "'Scuse me, I need to borrow these," she apologized as she put the gloves on her own hands. She turned to Mr. Barkin and walked slowly towards him. When she arrived in front of him, the collective student body held its breath. "I'm going to need you to be brave and hold still, Mr. Barkin. It's going to be over soon. Hush now," she spoke to him in gentle tones, as one would when soothing a baby. Under normal circumstances, he would give her detention and extra homework for treating him like she did, but these were not normal circumstances. He nodded and braced himself. she grabbed the jellyfish that had slid down on his chin and peeled it off his face. It was a good feeling, having the jellyfish off. But then Kimberly grimaced, along with half the rest of the student body and Ronald, who had finally made his way through the crowd to be at Kim's side.

"That's gonna leave a mark," commented the boy.

"Ron, don't be rude!" Kim scolded her companion. Turning back to her teacher, she blinked. "But he's right, Mr. Barkin. You should get that checked out by the nurse."

"Wha… what do you mean?" he asked.

"The jelly was on you for long enough to leave a wound. If you treat it right, it won't scar, but for now I think you should definitely get some gauze pads to help with the bleeding." Kimberly nodded at his face and quickly looked away.

"Um, maybe make that a lot of gauze pads," chipped in Ronald.

"Bleeding? What bleeding? Am I…" He trailed off, feeling something wet trickling down his neck from the general area of the burning welt the jellyfish had left him. "B-Blood… it's blee… bleeding…"

Kimberly nodded sympathetically. One of the students had called for the school nurse, but upon discovering that Dr. Hartmann had taken a day off, called instead for the only other teacher at school that day; the lunch lady. The crowd of students parted as she made her way towards him, brandishing her battered old ladle like a sword. The scene all of a sudden seemed too overwhelming for the poor man to handle, and, in a rather anti-climactic fashion, Steven Barkin slumped to the hard turf of the Middleton High football field, unconscious.

***end-of-flashback-you-didn't-know-you-were-reading***

"And that," said Mr. Barkin, taking a deep breath and gazing at his date, a beautiful green woman by the name of Miss Go, "is why we never let the students have class outside!"

"Oh, wow, that's amazing, Stevie! But I promised Kimmie I'd be back at her house right now, so I kind of have to go," the young woman spoke brightly.

"Oh. Ahem. Well, would you, uh, like to go roller skating this weekend?" Mr. Barkin cleared his throat, his face turning red.

"Oh, Stevie, that would be wonderful!" gushed the woman. "I'm free tomorrow night, what about you?"

"Tomorrow night it is, then. Shall I drive you home?"

**_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ - - - THIS IS NOT BARKIN/SHEGO! So, did you like it?**

**Read and Review, please & thank-you!**

**Peace out! ~Acoustic Dancer**


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